The Phantom of the Rec Department
by JessieBell10000
Summary: Well, it's a parody I wrote for English class, and it's POTO taking place in a Rec. Dept. Gym. All your favorite characters are recognizable!


Disclaimer - Okay, this is something I had to write for school. As you can all tell, it is based on Phantom of the Opera, but it is not. This is just a joke, a parody, something that was meant to be taken in good fun, I would be pleased if you didn't flame me fore I take criticism very, very badly. ^_^ so R,R&E!  
  
The Phantom of the Rec. Department  
  
It was a day like every other day in the Wallingford Rec. Department. The basketballs bounced up and down in the gym as the teams practiced for the big tournament. The boy's team was particularly good this year, Charles Guidecci, the worst player, was promoted to guard, while the best player, Erik Noir, was stuck as a bench warmer. Andrew, the captain, had seen some potential somewhere in Charles, although, The Phantom of the Rec. Department did not know from where the potential came from.  
  
The Phantom of the Rec. Department, or POTRD, to the patrons of the Rec. Department, was interested in the career of Erik Noir. He was an excellent player, far better than any other. She lived in the cellar of the Rec. haunting the basketball court. The Phantom really existed. She was not, as was long believed, a creature of the imagination of the basketball players, the superstitious coaches, or the impressionable brains of the ballet students, their teachers, or any of the other staff. No, she existed in flesh and blood, though she assumed all the outward characteristics of a real phantom, that is to say, of a shade.  
  
(A/N: I used the line from the book modifying it with different words, I know I used it, please don't mention that fact unless you want to put it in your review as a good thing, not a "Just to let you know" kind of thing)  
  
One stormy day the team headed towards the court for their last practice. Mike Girny, the youngest player on the team, was out in the hall when he heard the slight rustle of a cape and he saw a flash of white. Scared out of his wits Mike ran back into the gym and whispered what he saw into the ear of Robin Jammes, the second youngest kid on the team. Jammes gasped but waited until water break to tell everyone else.  
  
"Tell 'em what you saw!" said Jammes pushing Girny into the center of the ring of sweaty teenage boys. "C'mon! You told me!"  
  
Mike gulped hard and started, "when I went to get a drink I saw her! I saw the phantom!" All of the boys gapped at young Mike.  
  
"What do you mean you saw her?" Charles said, "Everyone knows that she's not real."  
  
Erik, who had been practicing through the whole water break walked over to them, basketball in arm, "yea and I suppose the bouncing basketball heard in the middle of the night is just everyone's imagination."  
  
"Stay out of this Noir," spat Charles. "It's none of your business, but hey, maybe the mysterious teacher you tell us all about may come and help you," he laughed. Everyone joined in his vicious laughter and Erik walked away.  
  
"Okay everyone," said Coach Andrew, "I'll see you all here early tomorrow before the game. I want you all here an hour early." The team left the gym and followed Joey Buquet, another member of the team, to the ballet rooms. His little sister, Madeline, twirled around the room with her little friends, but moments later their class ended and they were all seated in a tight circle around Buquet.  
  
"She comes around every so often," he began, "to torture little girls who don't know when to keep quiet. She used to be a star basketball player, but after breaking her ankle and then getting carpotunnel she had to hide below the Rec. Department. When she does come she brings her crook and trips you, breaking your ankle so you can never dance again! But, she disappears in moments because she's a," he paused for several moments as the girls sat in anticipation. A small smirk crossed his lips as he yelled, "GHOST!" The girls let out horrific, blood-curdling screams and they intertwined with the boy's laughter.  
  
Then, the girl's teacher came over to the boys, "Joey! If you don't stop sputtering out stories about the Phantom she'll come and get you." Madame Girny, Mike's mother, was the ballet instructor and she shooed the boys out of the room trying to comfort the now terrified girls.  
  
Meanwhile, back in the gym Erik was still practicing when that voice appeared from nowhere, "you shall play guard, no matter what. Now, run four laps around the gym and then I want you to do suicides until you think you will commit it," Erik bounded around the gym when a girl burst in.  
  
"Erik! I've missed you so much!" she cried. Her name was Rachel Chagny, a rich girl from Erik's old school. They had been friends in Elementary school but when Erik and his dad moved they lost contact.  
  
Erik stopped and ran over to her, "Rachel, you um. you have to go!"  
  
"Why?" she giggled, "can't you stop practicing long enough to talk to me; we haven't seen each other for a long time. I think you owe it to me to stop."  
  
"I can't," he stammered, "now you have to go. I have some, uh, serious practicing to do. Bye," he ran around the gym completely ignoring her pout as she stormed out. Erik had thought she left but Rachel was waiting outside the door to see if he would come out.  
  
"Who was she?" asked a female's voice.  
  
"An old friend," replied Erik. Rachel pressed her ear closer to the door, "who could be in there with him?"  
  
"If you want to be a star basketball player you will have no friends," snapped the voice. "Now go home, I've had enough of your impertinence for one day." Rachel hid behind a garbage can as Erik walked out of the gym dejectedly, his feet hitting the ground in a somber fashion.  
  
As she saw Erik push the door open she ran into the dimly lit gym, "Who are you?" she yelled. Nothing answered, only the sound of her haggard, nervous breathing could be heard, "I say," she stuttered, "show yourself!" Still, nothing answered. Rachel walked over to the nearest wall and slid down it slowly. "How on Earth could someone just disappear?" she thought to herself.  
  
Then, as she got up to go home she heard the clicking of the locks, but there was no one around. Then, the only open window slammed shut, "So," boomed the voice, "you think you have caught me do you?" she mocked, "Come and find me, I dare you!" Rachel ran around the room in a panic, she pounded on the doors but no one answered her cries, the voice let out a round of maniacal laughter and unlocked the doors, but just as Rachel was about to leave she spoke again, "for your own good stay away from Erik."  
  
Rachel ran out into the hallway and backed herself on the wall. She looked from side to side when she thought she saw a flash of white. She followed what she saw and ran into the Persian janitor with a turban and a Middle Eastern outfit. He was short with the name Nadir on one of those "Hi my name is." tags. She muttered some apologies and then started to walk away.  
  
"I knew the phantom not too long ago and not in a place too far away. She was insane. The Punjab crook is the deadliest weapon on this side of Persia," Rachel interrupted.  
  
"Um. Nadir, Persia doesn't exist anymore."  
  
"Well, I can tell you that she's one crazy girl! Stay away from the phantom and her friends!" As Rachel continued down the hall Nadir yelled after her, "Stay away I tell you! Stay away!"  
  
Rachel shook her head at the insane janitor and walked out the front door. The next day Charles was especially early for practice when he heard the voice of the phantom, "if you play today there will be consequences beyond your imagination!" A basketball flew at Charles from nowhere. Then the coach arrived.  
  
"What's wrong Charles?" asked Coach Andrew as he saw Charles cowering in the corner.  
  
"It-it-it was the Phantom!" he screeched in a girly voice. "I refuse to play today!"  
  
"What do you mean you refuse? You can't refuse! You're the star!" said Coach Andrew persuasively. "What have you got to lose anyway?"  
  
"My ankles! If I lose them I can never play again!" cried Charles. "I cannot lose my ankles!"  
  
"Your ankles? First of all, you cannot lose your ankles and secondly what has gotten into you? You sound like the janitor!" Coach Andrew sputtered. Charles continued to cower in fear while the rest of the team of arrived. Then, as the game began to start Charles decided he would play after all.  
  
The game started and everything went smoothly in the first and second quarters, then in the third quarter Charles was fouled and he got to shoot two penalty shots, not that he ever made them anyway. The crowd was silent, not even the sound of breathing could be heard. Charles bounced the ball twice and grasped it in his sweaty palms. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath and shot, it missed, then as the time was running low he shot again and as the buzzer rang out the ball bounced out of the hoop. "M\y, my, my, his playing is enough to bring the hoop down!" evil laughter rang out throughout the gym as the hoop started to swivel and it fell right upon Charles's ankle, smashing it on impact.  
  
Charles let out a girly scream as the medics rushed onto the scene. They carried him off on a stretcher and Coach Andrew decided to put in Erik as the guard. The phantom chuckled to herself as the team won with Erik scoring the winning point. But, with the loud cheering and celebrating Erik fainted and he was brought into another room. Rachel rushed in with the doctor. "Oh my God! What just happened?" asked the foppish Rachel.  
  
The doctor left the room as Erik sat up dazed, "where am I?" he asked gripping his head.  
  
"You fainted at the end of the game," replied Rachel, "but you're okay. I took care of you," she blatantly lied to him.  
  
He realized that he had to meet with his teacher so he made an excuse, "Rachel, it's late. I cannot stay here and chat. I must be getting back to the gym. I'll talk to you again some other time, be at the New Year's Party, I'll talk to you there tomorrow," with that he left her in the room all alone and she went home. In the gym Erik waited for his teacher.  
  
"Very nice," said the voice, "you proved yourself to everyone tonight. You will surly take the place of Charles, that fat cow. Now I want you to practice your left handed lay ups, they were atrocious today." Erik obediently obeyed the mysterious voice.  
  
Then, the next day at the masked ball Erik wore a black tuxedo costume while Rachel wore a white bride's costume. They met at the snack table, "Erik," Rachel whispered, "come with me, I need to tell you something."  
  
"No," Erik said, "I need to tell you something." They both went onto the Rec. Department's roof and as they walked up the stairs they felt they were being followed, but they did not see anyone so they continued up. "Rachel," Erik cried, "The teacher wants me to remove myself from all human contact! I can't stay in the gym any longer. All she does is made me practice, and practice, and practice. I can't take it anymore!"  
  
"You don't need to," said Rachel, "come with me. Let me lead you from that solitude! You don't need to live in the gym, come out into the light from that dark dank place!"  
  
"But," Erik protested, "the teacher. She will be so upset with me and you saw what she did to Charles, although she was justified in that action, but nonetheless she is a threat to life as any of us know it."  
  
"Run away with me!" said Rachel.  
  
"Um. Rach," said Erik unsurely, "we're only fifteen years old, don't you think it would be a trifle hard to do that?"  
  
Rachel sighed in disgust, "It's just like you to talk like that. I think you're in love with the teacher! It's that kind of love which people relish in, the type of love they don't even admit to themselves!" Rachel stormed back downstairs and left Erik all alone to ponder his thoughts. After several moments of careful consideration he walked back downstairs into the gym for the party.  
  
(A/N: Yet another thing that you just shouldn't point of for a "just to let you know" thing. Thanks.)  
  
As the night grew later a person in a bright red, Mask of the Red Death costume came down the bleachers, "Ah, I see that everyone has turned out for this occasion," she chuckled, "Well, since everyone is here celebrating you can celebrate the release of my playbook! I expect this to be used at every game from this point on!"  
  
Everyone gasped as she walked further down the bleachers until finally she reached the bottom. They all slowly backed away as she stepped closer and closer then, she lunged forward at them. As they all jumped back she let out that laugh that everyone had known her for the day before. "You all are most interesting to taunt, but I am needed in other places right now," she pulled a smoke bomb out of her blood red cape and disappeared.  
  
The room was left utterly silent, the playbook sat in front of them and they almost dared not touch it in fear of a curse. Finally, Coach Andrew crept over to it and lifted it off the ground. He turned all the pages, "these aren't plays," he exclaimed, "They're all just pages that repeatedly say 'Pass to Erik, Pass to Erik. What an idiot!"  
  
Then, the voice rang through the gym, "I heard that!" Coach Andrew muttered silent apologies to the Phantom and everyone cleared out of the gym. At the next game Erik played guard and the Phantom watched the game intently, making sure that everything went according to her plan. Then, Coach Andrew decided to try something, he switched a play. He switched Erik out and put Peter Piangi in. Just as Peter got the ball the Punjab crook appeared out of nowhere breaking Peter's ankle.  
  
Then, the Phantom jumped down from the rafters and disappeared with Erik underneath the Rec. Department. Rachel looked around in distress, where was Erik? Where did she take him?  
  
Then, Nadir, the Iranian-who-thinks-Persia-still-exists, took her by the wrists and led her to the stair ways. "You must keep your eyes on your ankles! Watch out for the Punjab crook!" he said leading her down the stairs. They walked down two flights of stairs; it really wasn't that far, but hey, for the sake of the story deal with it. They were led into a chamber that looked like a basketball court.  
  
Rachel hammered on the walls with her fist but they were getting hotter and hotter as the minutes passed. Then, the Phantom's voice went through the chamber, "I see you've discovered my torture chamber. Isn't it ingenious? I thought so, but oh well, I see you're going to enjoy it even more."  
  
Erik begged with The Phantom to let them go. She ignored his pleas as the chambers heat rose. It got hotter, and hotter, and hotter until finally it felt like the hottest day in the Sahara. The lights on the ceilings felt like one thousand suns beating upon their heads, although the turban made Nadir a slight bit cooler than Rachel. "Let us out," sobbed Rachel, "it's so hot!"  
  
"Hence, the title torture chamber," said The Phantom. "We shall let Erik decide your fates." Erik looked at the Phantom confusedly. "If you can tell me how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop® then I will let them go!"  
  
Erik shrugged his shoulders and grabbed the Tootsie Roll® The Phantom held out to him. "One, two, three, four," five days later, "12,101; 12,102; 12,013! It takes 12,103 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop®.  
  
"Oh my," said the Phantom, "I thought you would quit before actually figuring it out. I suppose you could go, maybe, no, you can go." Rachel and Erik left hand in hand while Nadir stayed behind.  
  
"That was uncharacteristically nice of you," said Nadir as The Phantom fell upon the floor.  
  
"Stupid ankles," she muttered to herself, "I know, but Erik and Rachel had discussed that he was going to quit playing basketball forever, I would rather let him go than have to face the disgrace of another failure! Do you know how terrible it was when I broke my ankles on the court? I could never face that disgrace again!" she said malice.  
  
"I know, I know," comforted Nadir.  
  
"I'm dying," said The Phantom, "Dying of carpotunnel. When I die I need you to put this add in the paper," she said handing him a sliver of paper with a scribbled sentence on it.  
  
He read it out loud. "The Phantom of the Rec. Department is dead," and as soon as he finished that sentence she fell upon the floor and convulsed, moments later dying of carpotunnel. Nadir ran up the stairs and contacted The New Haven Register.  
  
Fin 


End file.
